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I sensed as if he became sad from the way he spoke after telling him that I would go with her. Try describing the "I sensed". What is your character observing exactly? Let he be our eyes loo...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T12:53:14Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47800 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Giuseppe
·
2019-12-08T12:53:14Z (over 4 years ago)
> I sensed as if he became sad from the way he spoke after telling him that I would go with her. Try describing the "I sensed". What is your character observing exactly? Let he be our eyes looking at this person's sudden sadness. In this situation, I would focus on your main character (the one observing here) and how he makes his realization bit by bit, sign by sign. "His voice was now softer, his words seemed to come out of his mouth with effort, now, like he was fighting within against thoughts I did not predict. His eyes no longer looking straight at me, no longer telling me of his enthusiasm, but looking within for the blurred, lost self-confidence." (Excuse my poor English, no native here).
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2019-09-03T14:26:29Z (over 4 years ago)
Original score: 0