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Q&A Do we simplify descriptions when they sound weird?

My first thought on reading your question is a tangent: I find it distracting that you use the word "small" twice in such a short space. Is it important that the coin and/or the wallet is small? If...

posted 4y ago by Jay‭  ·  last activity 4y ago by System‭

Answer
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T13:04:19Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/48311
License name: CC BY-SA 4.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/
#2: Initial revision by user avatar Jay‭ · 2019-12-08T13:04:19Z (over 4 years ago)
My first thought on reading your question is a tangent: I find it distracting that you use the word "small" twice in such a short space. Is it important that the coin and/or the wallet is small? If not, you might just drop one of the "small"s. "The woman pulled a small coin out of the wallet." Or replace one with a synonym. "The woman pulled a tiny coin out of a small wallet." Etc.

But to the point ...

Give as much detail as is relevant to the story or as is interesting. Don't be afraid to leave out the obvious. Like, it is almost surely not necessary to say that she opened the wallet before taking out the coin. Unless she is pulling the coins out through a hole in the wallet or she has some magical powers or something, then of course she must be opening the wallet to get coins out.

Is it important that this is the same wallet that she took coins out of before? If between the two scenes she went home and got a different wallet, would that change the story any? If not, then it's probably not necessary to bring up the fact that it's the same wallet.

Likewise, is it important that she took the coins out of a wallet? As opposed to, say, having loose coins in her pocket? Again, if it doesn't matter and bringing it up is making the text awkward, then just drop it.

On the flip side, if it IS important and relevant that the coins are coming from a wallet and this is the same wallet she used before, then don't be afraid of adding some extra words to make this clear.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2019-10-01T18:02:33Z (over 4 years ago)
Original score: 1