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In your first example, all three of your sentences focus on the effect. Instead, mix in some descriptions of the cause. Instead of: You have a feeling of immense dread as you take in the macabr...
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#1: Initial revision
by
Monica Cellio
·
2019-12-13T02:23:12Z (almost 5 years ago)
In your first example, all three of your sentences focus on the effect. Instead, mix in some descriptions of the *cause*. Instead of: > You have a feeling of immense dread as you take in the macabre sight > You are reminded of your own mortality as you witness the gruesome murder of Sir Important from Storyston > You feel delirious as the maddening desert sun beats down on you You could write: > The macabre sight fills you with dread > The gruesome murder of Sir Important from Storyston reminds you of your own mortality > The maddening desert sun beats down on you, and your brain clouds with delirium Don't always do it the same way; mix and match. In an RPG, I would try to save the "feeling" ones for cases where *the cause isn't otherwise evident*, which happens in RPGs sometimes (like with certain saving throws).