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It is good to have specific details that mean something to the viewpoint character. She listened to the music of LILLAHI birds, and it made her calm, perhaps because lillahi birds used to sing o...
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#3: Post edited
by
DPT
·
2020-02-02T15:53:43Z (about 4 years ago)
- It is good to have specific details that **mean something** to the viewpoint character.
- * She listened to the music of LILLAHI birds, **and it made her calm, perhaps because lillahi birds used to sing outside her nursery window.**
- * the flower pot was filled with BETTORNIM flowers. **They were hard to come by, but her aunt would grow them and she was determined that these would thrive.**
- Wherever possible, give the characters a sense of meaning in their lives. It helps them feel more real, and helps the reader connect to the rationale behind the detail.
- ____________________________
- **Edit to add:**
Part of the reason this is my answer, is because action out of context is unsatisfying. "She listened to the lillahi birds" on its own may count as scene-setting, or as staging or blocking, variably--and these can be good or bad.BUT: Clauses and sentences and actions and words in writing should all pull weight. A sentence that does one thing for your story is less valuable than a sentence that does three separate things.She listened to the lillahi birds can do three things in the right context: it can (1) show her acting toward her scene goal, (2) be a reaction to something else in the story, and (3) depend character.So, adding more context to the line, that snippet could work better.(1) If it is established that **she has a scene goal of finding the lost talisman of the kingdom** and she understands lillahi bird speech (they observe all as they fly about, and like mockingbirds repeat what they hear), then listening to them shows us her agency and proactivity to the goal. She is acting toward her goal.(2) If also, her tutor is in the middle of a lesson and he is droning on as tutors have a tendency to do, her **reaction** to the stimulus of a droning voice could be to tune into the lillahi birds outside the window.(3) And, she can as implied above have a personal reason for being calmed by the lillahi song. Like that it always calms her.Thus, "she listened to the lillahi birds" can accomplish three things, instead of being a throw-away. I think in that case, it might stand on its own with repetition elsewhere, on the other hand with this approach you'd probably end up mentioning lillahi birds again anyway.
- It is good to have specific details that **mean something** to the viewpoint character.
- * She listened to the music of LILLAHI birds, **and it made her calm, perhaps because lillahi birds used to sing outside her nursery window.**
- * the flower pot was filled with BETTORNIM flowers. **They were hard to come by, but her aunt would grow them and she was determined that these would thrive.**
- Wherever possible, give the characters a sense of meaning in their lives. It helps them feel more real, and helps the reader connect to the rationale behind the detail.
- ____________________________
- **Edit to add:**
- Part of the reason the above is my answer, is because a character action without any particular context is inherently unsatisfying. "She listened to the lillahi birds" may count as scene-setting, or as staging, or blocking, variably--and any of these can be good or bad. (The advice "avoid too much stage direction," for example, could mean that the sentence is bad. It will depend on context.)
- BUT. Clauses and sentences and actions and words in writing should also pull their narrative weight. A sentence that does only **one** thing for your story is less valuable than a sentence that does **three** things.
- "She listened to the lillahi birds" can do three things simultaneously, in the right context. It can (1) show her acting toward her scene goal, (2) be a reaction to something else in the scene, and (3) develop character.
- So, adding more context to the line and around it within the scene could make that snippet work better.
- **Examples:**
- (1) If it is established that **she has a scene goal of finding the lost talisman of the kingdom** and, as it happens, she understands lillahi bird speech (they observe everything as they fly about including where the talisman was buried, and like mockingbirds they repeat what they hear)...then listening to them shows us her agency and proactivity toward her goal. She is acting toward her goal.
- (2) If also, she is in a lesson and her tutor is droning on (as tutors have a tendency to do), her **reaction** to the stimulus of a droning voice could be to tune in, instead, to the lillahi birds outside the window. Stimulus-response.
- (3) And, she can, as implied above, have a personal reason for being calmed by the lillahi song. Like that it reminds her of her mother's promise to always be near.
- Thus, "she listened to the lillahi birds" can accomplish three things, instead of being a throw-away. I think in that case, it might stand on its own without repetition elsewhere, on the other hand with this approach you'd probably end up mentioning lillahi birds again anyway.
#2: Post edited
by
DPT
·
2020-02-02T15:47:06Z (about 4 years ago)
More developed thoughts about the question.
- It is good to have specific details that **mean something** to the viewpoint character.
- * She listened to the music of LILLAHI birds, **and it made her calm, perhaps because lillahi birds used to sing outside her nursery window.**
- * the flower pot was filled with BETTORNIM flowers. **They were hard to come by, but her aunt would grow them and she was determined that these would thrive.**
Wherever possible, give the characters a sense of meaning in their lives. It helps them feel more real, and helps the reader connect to the rationale behind the detail.
- It is good to have specific details that **mean something** to the viewpoint character.
- * She listened to the music of LILLAHI birds, **and it made her calm, perhaps because lillahi birds used to sing outside her nursery window.**
- * the flower pot was filled with BETTORNIM flowers. **They were hard to come by, but her aunt would grow them and she was determined that these would thrive.**
- Wherever possible, give the characters a sense of meaning in their lives. It helps them feel more real, and helps the reader connect to the rationale behind the detail.
- ____________________________
- **Edit to add:**
- Part of the reason this is my answer, is because action out of context is unsatisfying. "She listened to the lillahi birds" on its own may count as scene-setting, or as staging or blocking, variably--and these can be good or bad.
- BUT: Clauses and sentences and actions and words in writing should all pull weight. A sentence that does one thing for your story is less valuable than a sentence that does three separate things.
- She listened to the lillahi birds can do three things in the right context: it can (1) show her acting toward her scene goal, (2) be a reaction to something else in the story, and (3) depend character.
- So, adding more context to the line, that snippet could work better.
- (1) If it is established that **she has a scene goal of finding the lost talisman of the kingdom** and she understands lillahi bird speech (they observe all as they fly about, and like mockingbirds repeat what they hear), then listening to them shows us her agency and proactivity to the goal. She is acting toward her goal.
- (2) If also, her tutor is in the middle of a lesson and he is droning on as tutors have a tendency to do, her **reaction** to the stimulus of a droning voice could be to tune into the lillahi birds outside the window.
- (3) And, she can as implied above have a personal reason for being calmed by the lillahi song. Like that it always calms her.
- Thus, "she listened to the lillahi birds" can accomplish three things, instead of being a throw-away. I think in that case, it might stand on its own with repetition elsewhere, on the other hand with this approach you'd probably end up mentioning lillahi birds again anyway.
#1: Initial revision
by
DPT
·
2020-02-01T22:47:19Z (about 4 years ago)
It is good to have specific details that **mean something** to the viewpoint character. * She listened to the music of LILLAHI birds, **and it made her calm, perhaps because lillahi birds used to sing outside her nursery window.** * the flower pot was filled with BETTORNIM flowers. **They were hard to come by, but her aunt would grow them and she was determined that these would thrive.** Wherever possible, give the characters a sense of meaning in their lives. It helps them feel more real, and helps the reader connect to the rationale behind the detail.