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Someone on another forum asked for advice on a sentence she was writing, so I thought I'd share it here and see what kind of responses we could get. The sentence in question is marked by italics. (...
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T01:53:51Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/3807 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Steven Drennon
·
2019-12-08T01:53:51Z (over 4 years ago)
Someone on another forum asked for advice on a sentence she was writing, so I thought I'd share it here and see what kind of responses we could get. The sentence in question is marked by italics. (I think one or two others could use some help as well, but I'll see what you guys come up with!) > Fear is a strange thing. On one hand it has the ability to make you stronger if the circumstances are just right. Giving you the strength and clarity of mind to overcome whatever peril you happen to find yourself in. _On the other hand, it has the frightening ability to render the sufferer into a frozen vegetative state._ Leaving you in control of nothing more than the blinking of your eyes and the sucking in of short, shallow breaths. The specific question I would like to see answered is this: how can she change this sentence so that it better conveys the immobilizing impact that fear can have on a person?
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2011-09-01T14:36:01Z (over 12 years ago)
Original score: 0