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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/4301
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

### Writing a Resume for an internship at a large local CMS company. How does this preamble sound? How can I make it better/follow it up?

> My name is Korvin Szanto, I'm an 18 year old programmer from Portland Oregon. Ever since age 10, I've had a fascination with literal interpretation of problems, which has been subsided through problem solving in various programming languages. Growing up, I often engaged in what is now called "Code Golf", a game in which you attempt to provide the shortest (bitwise) solution to the a given problem, such as the famous FizzBuzz problem. Given this experience, I am now proficient in several programming languages including all standard web languages as well as Perl and (Recently) Python.

Whenever I write, I find that my sentences are riddled with commas making them short winded and uninteresting, How can I improve this?

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# New Version

Preamble:

> My name is Korvin Szanto, I'm an 18 year old programmer from Portland Oregon. Ever since age 10, I've had a fascination with literal interpretation of problems, which has been fullfilled through problem solving in various programming languages. Growing up, I often engaged in what is now called "Code Golf", a game in which you attempt to provide the shortest, or fastest, solution to the a given problem, akin to the famous FizzBuzz problem. Given this experience, I am now proficient in several programming languages including all standard web languages as well as Perl and, recently, Python. I recently graduated from Rex Putnam High School and obtained a job as lead backend developer for a local medium sized online advertisement agency. My daily tasks involve modifying open source CMS's/CRM's such as Wordpress, Joomla, SugarCRM, and starting yesterday, Concrete5, aswell as upholding the integrity of the office beit a virus or a popup, I'm the person they call.

Original score: 0