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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/4342
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/4342
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

## What Query Shark Says

Let's take a look at what precisely QS has written there:

> This is a log line. Avoid them.
> 
> Think about it: it `[refers to: they must decide whether to resign their lives to inertia or fight for uncertain freedom]` is **a false choice**. If they resign their lives to inertia, there's no story.
> 
> And worse, this kind of log line **doesn't entice me to read on.** Again, the goal of a query letter is to entice the reader to want more.
> 
> Log lines are imported from Hollywood, and they have NO place in query letters.

She's [also written](http://queryshark.blogspot.com/2010/12/191.html):

> Here's the trouble with log lines: they **undercut any kind of buildup to a punch line** - they destroy tension and suspense. Consider how much more a reveal it is if that log line appears AFTER these next paragraphs.

And [also](http://queryshark.blogspot.com/2010/05/161.html):

> Honestly I think log lines don't serve a writer well. You have an entire page to work with here, don't try to condense it to a single sentence.
> 
> This sentence doesn't actually say anything. It uses metaphors that don't apply to anything in the book (cards), introduces a character not in the query (a killer) and tries to set up tension...there's no tension in flabby sentences.

## What Query Shark Means

I'm not sure my answer corresponds with QS's opinion precisely, but here's what I'd take away from what she's saying. Writers tend, in log lines, to try to amp up the drama tremendously, while not being able to provide any meaningful detail. Very often, the result is artificial (hence she's able to easily, intuitively, pick them apart and expose how hollow they are), and also not compelling (because of the lack of detail - which is what the agent/editor is actually interested in - and the familiarity of the format; it probably comes across at best as exciting hyperbole with little focus).

The log line may be effective for marketing purposes, when it's aimed at a less-discerning audience who aren't committed yet to devoting any attention to this particular piece. In a query, though, you've already got the agent's full attention; what they want to hear is **detail about the book**. A log line usually doesn't supply that, and some agents may find them actively irksome. They also have a tendency to be poorly constructed or thought out, which adds to the nuisance. Hence (I presume), Query Shark does not like log lines in her queries.

Original score: 8