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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/5395
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

_Disclaimer: I'm not an native English speaker_

Here is the first part of a short novel I'm writing. For the description I wanted the reader to have an idea of the place first and then let him know that there is people in there (and that they are alone).

> The darkness made the bar look bigger than it was. A flickering neon sign was barely illuminating the place. Sitting in the bar, a young man and a girl were having their drinks. There was no other human presence around.
> 
> "I think you need a refill," he said, pointing her glass with his.
> 
> She looked at it, then around. "I don't see the bartender."
> 
> "No problem," he said. "I can mix something for you."
> 
> He grabbed her glass, stood up, and walked towards the liquor shelf. Before she could say anything, he was already behind the bar.
> 
> "Ask for any drink you want," he said.
> 
> She shook her head while smiling at him. "The one you know best."
> 
> "Got it." He went through the variety of bottles as if examining animal specimens.
> 
> He finally decided for a black bottle.
> 
> "Can I talk about a thought that is making me feel lonely?" he asked while searching for a glass. "Hope you don't find it weird."

I would like to know if this will grab the reader's attention. I would also like to know how can I improve it. Thanks in advance!

Original score: 1