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Actually I find the repeated structure interesting. Clearly something is going on, some kind of external magical force which is creating changes in the "real world." My only advice would be not t...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:11Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/6187 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:29:12Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/6187 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
Actually I find the repeated structure interesting. Clearly _something_ is going on, some kind of external magical force which is creating changes in the "real world." My only advice would be not to be too obvious about how her conversations down the rabbit hole affect the world she returns to, unless you intend for there to be a literal one-to-one correspondence. That is, if the magical world is _symbolic_, she shouldn't have a talk with someone in the Rabbit Hole bar about how forgiveness is healing and then return to reality and her sister's broken arm is no longer broken. If the magical world is _literal_, then she could find a Barbie doll and pop its arm back into its socket, which would result in her sister's arm no longer being broken. Do you intend to explain how the conversations in the rabbit hole world affect reality?
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2012-08-10T10:05:59Z (over 11 years ago)
Original score: 5