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Well, let's start... Specifically, this post You just lost us. "This post" often means "an external piece to which I am linking" or "some text which is going to follow shortly," rather than ...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:12Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/6280 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:30:29Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/6280 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
Well, let's start... > Specifically, this post You just lost us. "This post" often means "an external piece to which I am linking" or "some text which is going to follow shortly," rather than "this question you're reading." > is a piece of text submitted for critique and, in addition, explains what I am trying to achieve. Redundant, but okay in context. > This situation was driving down our productivity rate and so he established a formal approach to deal with the problem. Which is? and relates to us and this post how? Here also I feel like something's missing. It reads like you're building up to asking something specific, or presenting a chunk of text, and then you overshoot it completely and move on to the footnotes (the reference material). So you've described a problem but you haven't actually showed us what it is. Your writing seems to be reasonably clear in general. You might have to post something else for us to look at, or give us an example of something your advisor balked at.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2012-08-30T21:34:39Z (over 11 years ago)
Original score: 6