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I think it largely depends on what kind of "children's book" we're talking about. If this is a book for teenagers (or even "tweenagers"), then it is an excellent way to convey a feeling of restles...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:39:35Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/6979 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Cmillz
·
2019-12-08T02:39:35Z (almost 5 years ago)
I think it largely depends on what kind of "children's book" we're talking about. If this is a book for teenagers (or even "tweenagers"), then it is an excellent way to convey a feeling of restlessness or stress. If we're talking about younger audiences, it might be dangerous simply because the sentences could be confusing to the reader, invoking in them an _actual_ feeling of distress. I see nothing wrong with the style, but relatively "new" readers might find trouble deciphering it.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2013-01-04T19:50:36Z (almost 12 years ago)
Original score: 8