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It does depend a little on the genre of your story. If this is supposed to be an actiony-crime-thriller, you probably should cut it. If it's normally slower-paced and this doesn't seem too out of p...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:43:09Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/7662 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Rebekah
·
2019-12-08T02:43:09Z (almost 5 years ago)
It does depend a little on the genre of your story. If this is supposed to be an actiony-crime-thriller, you probably should cut it. If it's normally slower-paced and this doesn't seem too out of place, it should be fine if it isn't too long. One thing, though. Give them actions that have nothing to do with their drinks. Have them tap their fingers on the table, play with their hair, adjust their clothes, but the only actions that don't have to do with their face in this excerpt are about the glasses they're holding. Make sure you don't rely too much on one thing--it gets repetitive.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2013-04-16T09:21:40Z (over 11 years ago)
Original score: 1