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Not being a native speaker I'm unable to tell if my poetry sounds fine or just awkward - I know I'm abusing grammar to fit rhymes and rhythm, but the question is: am I abusing it too much? Does tha...
Question
poetry
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:44:46Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/7325 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
SF.
·
2019-12-08T02:44:46Z (almost 5 years ago)
Not being a native speaker I'm unable to tell if my poetry sounds fine or just awkward - I know I'm abusing grammar to fit rhymes and rhythm, but the question is: am I abusing it too much? Does that sound as poetic English to a native ear, or is it mangled beyond repair? > Animal skull took name of dread, > Obedient to the God of War. > In darkness endless, empty, dead, > Its stone face scars uncounted tore. > In thirty hours its path is led > like human's year, eternal chore. **Edit:** After the suggested corrections: > The skull of beast took name of dread, > fulfilling will of God of War. > In endless darkness, empty, dead, > Its stone face scars uncounted bore. > In thirty hours its path is led > like human's year, eternal chore.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2013-02-21T01:23:43Z (almost 12 years ago)
Original score: 6