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Line three has a nice ring to it. The line that tripped me up is four, because the verbs temporarily confused me. "Scars" could be either a verb or noun, so my brain was kind of expecting one thing...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:44:47Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/7326 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Anna M
·
2019-12-08T02:44:47Z (over 4 years ago)
Line three has a nice ring to it. The line that tripped me up is four, because the verbs temporarily confused me. "Scars" could be either a verb or noun, so my brain was kind of expecting one thing and got another. The line is also ambiguous (maybe your intention?). I'm not 100% sure whether you mean that the stone face has scarred some other, unnamed thing, or that the stone face itself is "torn?" On first reading, I thought the latter, but now I see that the former makes more sense. Do you want the reader to puzzle over this, or should the gist of the line be clear on first reading?
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2013-02-21T02:08:16Z (about 11 years ago)
Original score: 3