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I'm trying to make my descriptions to look less like a bunch of bullet points. So I decided to use more senses and similes. This is something I wrote: The sun hung in the cloudless sky, like a...
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:48:16Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/7578 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Alexandro Chen
·
2019-12-08T02:48:16Z (about 5 years ago)
I'm trying to make my descriptions to look less like a bunch of bullet points. So I decided to use more senses and similes. This is something I wrote: > The sun hung in the cloudless sky, like a sentinel looking over the world, welcoming the starting day, warming every plant and creature on earth. I took a lungful of fresh, morning air, and suddenly everything started to look bright and new; the elderly doing their morning exercises, the youth sitting across each other in breakfast shops, the trees swinging softly in the wind. I felt as if I were watching these daily sights for the first time. Am I doing it effectively? Or I'm overdoing it? If so, how can I improve it? (by the way, am I cluttering the paragraph with too many adjectives?)
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2013-04-05T15:17:27Z (over 11 years ago)
Original score: 1