How to format dialogue with an embedded long monologue
I use the following formats for dialogues:
dialogue
dialogue - describing action (if any)
dialogue - describing action (if any) - more dialogue (if any)
There is a chapter in my book that is mainly a conversation. During that chapter, after - let's say - the 10 first paragraphs, it starts to look like a monologue since the second chars starts to tell a history to the first one.
In that scope, the normal dialogue won't work. I'm not sure how to format what the second character is saying since it will be spread out over more than one paragraph. How do I deal with such long dialogues?
It seems nonsensical to drop the paragraphs just because of the dialogue. It also doesn't seem right to use something like this:
- dialogue
more dialogue of the same char in another paragraph without the dash
Or:
dialogue
more dialogue of the same char in another paragraph with the dash
My solution was to insert unnecessary things from the first character just to help the formatting, but that's not what I really want.
dialogue
something unnecessary from the other character
more dialogue of the other character
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2 answers
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You can break up long stretches of dialogue with:
- Stage business (describing the person moving around, handling things, getting up and walking, sighing, laughing, eating, etc.)
- Reaction shots from the other person
- Bits of narrative describing what someone is thinking, either the speaker watching the listener or the listener reacting to the speaker
It's actually okay to have "something unnecessary." That's the stage business. It also helps make the scene easier to visualize.
As an exercise, watch a (scripted!) TV show or a movie. Watch for scenes with two people talking. Turn off the sound or turn it low and really watch. It's not just two people sitting stiffly and yammering at one another like the Sunday morning talk shows. There's movement. There are reactions. People get up and pace. They slouch. They fiddle with the china. These are the things you can intersperse in long paragraphs of text so they aren't boring walls of blah blah blah.
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One thing I would think about is: Are those things the other person says really unnecessary? They actually might give the reader valuable background information about what the other person already knows, and what that person considers normal (even though the reader may not) or extraordinatry (although it seems obvious to the reader).
Compare the following examples. First the monologue text:
"OK, I'll tell you the story. As you probably know, there once were two kingdoms fighting against each other, Knitor and Daria. But what you don't know is that both kingdoms had top secret magical forces. Most people think that magic powers were only discovered later under King Freed, but that's wrong. It's just that both kingdoms managed to successfully keep their knowledge secret. Indeed, it was so secret that even the king of Knitor didn't know that Daria knew about magic, nor the other way round. And so they were heading to a disaster ..."
Then one example with reactions:
"OK, I'll tell you the story. As you probably know, there once were two kingdoms fighting against each other, Knitor and Daria."
"Yes."
"But what you don't know is that both kingdoms had top secret magical forces."
"Magical forces? I can't believe that!"
"Most people think that magic powers were only discovered later under King Freed, but that's wrong. It's just that both kingdoms managed to successfully keep their knowledge secret."
"Well, kingdoms have always been masters of keeping things secret."
"Indeed, it was so secret that even the king of Knitor didn't know that Daria knew about magic, nor the other way round. And so they were heading to a disaster ..."
Now another example with completely different reactions:
"OK, I'll tell you the story. As you probably know, there once were two kingdoms fighting against each other, Knitor and Daria."
"Well, I've heard tales about it."
"But what you don't know is that both kingdoms had top secret magical forces."
"Magical forces back then? I can't believe that!"
"Most people think that magic powers were only discovered later under King Freed, but that's wrong. It's just that both kingdoms managed to successfully keep their knowledge secret."
"Such things never keep secret for long. Are you serious?"
"Indeed, it was so secret that even the king of Knitor didn't know that Daria knew about magic, nor the other way round. And so they were heading to a disaster ..."
Note that I didn't change one bit of the original monologue, and the other person doesn't actually add information about its subject. Yet there's still extra information.
In the first expanded dialogue you learn that the war is common knowledge, that magic is obviously so common that the other person cannot imagine that it was ever not known, and that a kingdom keeping a perfect secret is something completely normal.
In the second expanded dialogue you learn instead that the war is already passing into the reign of tales and legends, that it is a well known fact that magical powers were discovered later, and that a kingdom keeping such secrets well is something extraordinary.
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