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If you must go with one of those, I would go with the first one. It just seems to go more smoothly. However, in order to PERFECT the sentence, you may want to try a different technique than simil...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:52:10Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/7906 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Megan
·
2019-12-08T02:52:10Z (over 4 years ago)
If you must go with one of those, I would go with the first one. It just seems to go more smoothly. However, in order to PERFECT the sentence, you may want to try a different technique than similes. Either way it's really good. Hope this helps!
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2013-05-16T16:47:00Z (almost 11 years ago)
Original score: 0