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I prefer the first of the two examples; the second seems choppy. It would read slightly better with “Red coals” in place of “The red coal”. (That is, coal should be plural in both examples, and t...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:56:12Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/8173 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
James Waldby - jwpat7
·
2019-12-08T02:56:12Z (almost 5 years ago)
I prefer the first of the two examples; the second seems choppy. It would read slightly better with “Red coals” in place of “The red coal”. (That is, _coal_ should be plural in both examples, and there should be no article before it.) I might or might not add _with_ or _its_ to the first: > Under the shelter of the inn, a barbecue took place, with red coals glowing in the dark and tiny sparks fluttering about. > Under the shelter of the inn, a barbecue takes place; red coals glow in the dark, sparks flutter from time to time. I suggest avoiding the past continuous tense (like “was taking place”) in narrative, and using either simple past (“took place”) or present (“takes place”). Past continuous seems stilted, verbose, misleading.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2013-06-15T15:49:48Z (over 11 years ago)
Original score: 5