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Q&A

Rhythm in a list

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I think I don't have problems establishing a rhythm in a "normal" paragraph. I usually just go: short, long, long, long, short, long or something like that.

But when it comes to lists, I always get confused.

Example:

For the first time today, she became aware of the familiar sights; the zelkova trees in front of the houses, the food stands on the pedestrian walkways, the farmer markets. The Okutama Mountains, and the Akigawa river, the latter flowing through the city like a sentinel guarding its habitants from outsiders.

So in the example above I have: long, long, short, short, very long. An honestly, I'm not sure whether it flows smoothly or not.

Are the elements of a list usually better off being more of less the same length? If I want length variation on them, what's the kind that flows better?

EDIT:

For the first time today, she became aware of the familiar sights; the zelkova trees in front of the houses, the food stands on the pedestrian walkways, the farmer markets on the side of the streets. The Okutama Mountains, resting quietly in the mist, and the Akigawa river—flowing through the city like a sentinel guarding its people from outsiders.

Does this flow better?

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This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/9131. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.

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