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The number of treasure-similies seems over-the-top to me, the prose equivalent of a scene from Tampopo. Maybe I would appreciate them better in the context of the rest of the story, or maybe I woul...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T03:14:05Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/9613 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Seth Gordon
·
2019-12-08T03:14:05Z (about 5 years ago)
The number of treasure-similies seems over-the-top to me, the prose equivalent of a scene from _Tampopo_. Maybe I would appreciate them better in the context of the rest of the story, or maybe I would appreciate them better if I liked sushi. :-) Your second version is definitely wrong. More verbs needed.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2013-12-03T15:52:06Z (about 11 years ago)
Original score: 1