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I think this passage works brilliantly to set the mood. The transition from the bolded paragraph back to the story is a little abrupt, but this may be smoothed over by the momentum of reading this ...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T03:22:27Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/10297 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
I think this passage works brilliantly to set the mood. The transition from the bolded paragraph back to the story is a little abrupt, but this may be smoothed over by the momentum of reading this in context. Your attempted metaphor - additive versus subtractive color - may or may not be obvious to people. I went to art school, and I got what you were saying immediately. Others may not, but it's okay to use something as a non-obvious metaphor. Whether you echo this elsewhere in the story is up to you. Practical matters: I'm not sure if white light would split into a rainbow cleanly in this situation. But a messy refraction of color could also be a nice device.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2014-02-09T16:42:45Z (almost 11 years ago)
Original score: 5