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I smiled and gave her a nod. I was beginning to like her more, plus I realized we had some things in common. Like our attempts of suicide. The difference was striking, of course. Kate’s pr...
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T03:48:30Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/14099 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Alexandro Chen
·
2019-12-08T03:48:30Z (about 5 years ago)
> I smiled and gave her a nod. I was beginning to like her more, plus I realized we had some things in common. Like our attempts of suicide. The difference was striking, of course. **Kate’s problem had been physical, whereas mine had been psychological. Kate had been motivated by an excess of sensations, whereas for me had been a lack of them.** Or should I write instead: > I smiled and gave her a nod. I was beginning to like her more, plus I realized we had some things in common. Like our attempts of suicide. The difference was striking, of course. **Whereas Kate’s problem had been physical, mine had been psychological. Whereas Kate had been motivated by an excess of sensations, for me had been a lack of them.** There's something awkward about the wording, but I can't pinpoint what it is.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2014-10-14T06:56:39Z (about 10 years ago)
Original score: 2