A question about dialogue and paragraphs?
First question I've asked on here so hopefully it isn't a silly one.
I am a little confused about a certain paragraph/dialogue convention I am using in something I am writing. Occasionally I have a situation where I include the actions of more than one character after a piece of dialogue in the same paragraph. An example would be:
"Please, John, do not let our urgent matters get in the way of your leisure," the man's voice echoed in the chamber as he scolded him for resting his feet on the table. John, slightly embarrassed, swung his legs to the floor and sat forward.
Would this be an acceptable format? I tend to find that it brings a good flow to the story (at least in my situation!)
Thanks for any help :)
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1 answer
Your real problem is that you have dialogue, and then the narration immediately after it tells us what the dialogue just said. Remove that bit.
If we don't know that John's legs are on the table (as opposed to the chair, a statue, or someone's head), move that to John's action sentence.
"Please, John, do not let our urgent matters get in the way of your leisure," the older man said, his sharp voice echoing in the small chamber. John, slightly embarrassed, swung his legs off the table to the floor and sat forward.
It's fine that those are both in the same paragraph. You could even put them in the same sentence:
"Please, John, do not let our urgent matters get in the way of your leisure," the older man added, and John quickly swung his legs to the floor and sat forward.
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