How to introduce a fake name or alias for the sake of making a story clearer
I'm writing a scenario that describes what one person did when he worked for a company and want to use proper names for readability, but not use the real names of the people or company. But my phrasing keeps coming off as awkward. What's a clearer way to do this?
Example 1:
My friend "Chuck" who worked for a vendor "ThisCo" decided he'd had enough.
Example 2:
My friend (I'll call him "Chuck") worked for a vendor (I'll call it "ThisCo") decided he'd had enough.
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2 answers
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If you add commas to your first example, it will carry the weight of the parens without needing the larger pause and extra words. The quote marks and the generic wording of ThisCo make it clear you're using placeholders.
My friend, "Chuck," who worked for a vendor, "ThisCo," decided he'd had enough.
Subsequent references don't need the quotes.
Chuck had been working for ThisCo under a manager, "Kate," for 10 years, but when Kate left and "Vern" came on board, conditions quickly soured. Vern was the nephew of ThisCo's CEO, and it showed.
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I prefer the first example. Example 2 sounds a bit wordy and the breaks in the writing (the parenthesis) make it sound choppier.
I don't think you need the parenthesis around Chuck's name. Just say "My friend Chuck".
Alternate ways you could phrase it:
- My friend Chuck who worked for vendor ThisCo decided he'd had enough.
- My friend Chuck worked for vendor ThisCo and decided he'd had enough.
- My friend Chuck who worked for ThisCo, a vendor, decided he'd had enough.
It all depends on what you are going for. Your second example could be used if that sentence flows well with your writing style and the way your narrator talks.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/21078. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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