When Showing Over Telling Becomes Too Extravagant
I recently read the question "What does show don't tell actually mean?" and in the answers, there were a few examples of showing that had extensive description. However, there are numerous websites (and even questions on this website) that say you should cut all unnecessary content while editing, including extensive, unnecessary detail. Maybe I'm wrong, but
"Laying the flowers on Joan's door step, he strained to listen for any sounds from within. Every creaking or bump sent a jolt of terrified lust through his tense body. John both hoped and feared that Joan would catch him, and he was both glad and disappointed as he walked away from her house." (Answer by what)
seems slightly extensive and full of things that you could cut in the editing process. (And there are plently of other examples too; this is just one of the first few examples I could find.) Of course, the example above is much better than
John loves Joan
but it could be reduced to fewer sentences. As quoted before, "It seems that perfection is attained, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing more to take away." (Antoine de Saint Exupery). So to what extent is too much "showing" description too much?
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/24223. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
1 answer
There's no one right answer, but generally I'd say it's too much when it slows down your narrative and you don't want it to.
For example:
John looked through the two windows to see Sherlock standing beside the cabbie. He lifted a long pale hand to his mouth. The cabbie did the same. The pills! Sherlock was about to take one of the suicide pills! John lifted his Browning and took aim. His hand hadn't been so steady since before Kandahar.
versus:
John looked through the two weathered windows of the deserted college buildings to see Sherlock, tall, cool, and forbidding, standing beside the dishevelled cabbie. The man wore a crooked, anticipatory grin. The detective regarded him with a look of slight disdain. He lifted a long pale hand to his mouth. The cabbie's grin grew wider, and he did the same. John could see something small and white between Sherlock's fingers. He was taking a pill. The doctor inhaled sharply — even though they knew that the murderer had been convincing people to take the pills, it was something else again to watch it happen. John drew his Browning from his back holster and aimed at the seated man. His hand, he registered dimly, was not trembling.
The second one has more detail, but the first one has much more punch.
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