Dialogue interruptions — using em dashes
This is my first time in writers, so I apologise if I make a mistake. I've searched for this, but I can't find a concrete and complete answer. Please forgive me if I've somehow missed it and it had already been answered.
What I'm dealing with right now is interruptions within dialogue and how to punctuate them (with em dashes).
(Please keep in mind that this is British style, so the dashes will be set off by spaces before and after, except when it comes to quotation marks).
As far as I know, when an action interrupts dialogue, the dashes go inside the quotation marks:
“She’s a lovely girl, but —” he took a puff of his cigarette “— she cannot dance for the life of her.”
When the action doesn't interrupt dialogue but instead happens simultaneously, the dashes go outside the quotation marks:
"She's a lovely girl, but" — he lowered his voice — "she cannot dance for the life of her.
Now, my question is this: how do we treat the /interruption/. Do we capitalise it, punctuate it? Should it look like this?
“She’s a lovely girl, but —” He took a puff of his cigarette. “— she cannot dance for the life of her.”
“She’s a lovely girl, but” — He lowered his voice. — “she cannot dance for the life of her.
Is each case different? If so, which one should be capitalised and punctuated and which one should remain bare? Is the rule of the dashes correct in the first place?
Visually and stylistically, I prefer for both of them to be bare, but I don't know if there is a rule. I'd like to follow it if it exists.
Thank you!
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/24900. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
1 answer
(This construction is a pain in the ass to punctuate, so this is a good question to ask.)
When your narration is a full sentence, it must be punctuated like a full sentence. With M-dashes:
“She’s a lovely girl, but — ” He lowered his voice. “ — she cannot dance for the life of her.”
“She’s a lovely girl, but — ” He took a puff of his cigarette. “ — she cannot dance for the life of her.”
If you want to use a full sentence of narration and not use M-dashes, then treat them as three separate items. Sentence fragments are okay in this structure.
“She’s a lovely girl.” He took a puff of his cigarette. “But she cannot dance for the life of her.”
“She’s a lovely girl.” He looked around and lowered his voice. “But she cannot dance for the life of her.”
“She’s a lovely girl.” He paused and took a puff of his cigarette. “But she cannot dance for the life of her.”
If your narration is a continuation of the opening dialogue, treat it as such:
“She’s a lovely girl,” he said, taking a puff of his cigarette, “but she cannot dance for the life of her.”
“She’s a lovely girl,” he said, and then continued in a lower voice, “but she cannot dance for the life of her.”
or if your narration ends before the second piece of dialogue:
“She’s a lovely girl,” he said, and took a puff of his cigarette. “But she cannot dance for the life of her.”
“She’s a lovely girl,” he said. He looked around and continued in a lower voice. “But she cannot dance for the life of her.”
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