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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/39437
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Your order of imagery is not in order. I presumed the window was closed due to bad weather. But you had me thinking a minibus was outside because it was said last. Many times all you have to do is cut and paste your thoughts into better order as if a picture is being painted in a growing understandable manner.

My view was blocked to some extent, as I peered through the window with slick navy blue curtains, swinging to and fro to the movement of the minibus. The sky seemed like a vast pool of grey smoke. The weather was cool, moist. A fresh, earthy smell hung on the air. Tiny rain droplets drizzled downward on the closed glass pane in a light tinkle, creating a rhythmical musical tune, no doubt perceived by us all. On the damp window pane, the vague reflection of my stressed face in my surroundings caused me to break into a little grin. For a few moments, I had become lost in admiring the lovely shower before reality struck me hard.

I was here looking for how to split a book (volume 1 of a 6-book series) into two smaller books and i guess it will be Vol.1, Part 1 and Vol.1, Part 2 so the other 5 books can remain in the plan. And i can still sell the whole volume 1. Then i noticed your question and wow what the heck does that say. Thought you were in a house looking at a minibus and i was wondering why the curtains were swinging. When i was 15 in 10th grade my English teacher corrected a piece on what a city blackout was like. And i said you can see the stars in the town, and she changed this to say above the town. But what i meant was see the stars FROM within the town because the street lights were out. So she destroyed my image i was drawing up. This is what people do to all books (bible too). And you have to see in your mind what the writer wants, not what you want to see. And so i corrected your writing by figuring YOU out. World has bad editors and they can ruin your book. I love Amazon books, you edit and reupload. Buy your own copy and strike away your mistakes.

Original score: -2