How can I keep my writing from being perceived as "too complicated"

Your order of imagery is not in order. I presumed the window was closed due to bad weather. But you had me thinking a minibus was outside because it was said last. Many times all you have to do is cut and paste your thoughts into better order as if a picture is being painted in a growing understandable manner.

My view was blocked to some extent, as I peered through the window with slick navy blue curtains, swinging to and fro to the movement of the minibus. The sky seemed like a vast pool of grey smoke. The weather was cool, moist. A fresh, earthy smell hung on the air. Tiny rain droplets drizzled downward on the closed glass pane in a light tinkle, creating a rhythmical musical tune, no doubt perceived by us all. On the damp window pane, the vague reflection of my stressed face in my surroundings caused me to break into a little grin. For a few moments, I had become lost in admiring the lovely shower before reality struck me hard.

I was here looking for how to split a book (volume 1 of a 6-book series) into two smaller books and i guess it will be Vol.1, Part 1 and Vol.1, Part 2 so the other 5 books can remain in the plan. And i can still sell the whole volume 1. Then i noticed your question and wow what the heck does that say. Thought you were in a house looking at a minibus and i was wondering why the curtains were swinging. When i was 15 in 10th grade my English teacher corrected a piece on what a city blackout was like. And i said you can see the stars in the town, and she changed this to say above the town. But what i meant was see the stars FROM within the town because the street lights were out. So she destroyed my image i was drawing up. This is what people do to all books (bible too). And you have to see in your mind what the writer wants, not what you want to see. And so i corrected your writing by figuring YOU out. World has bad editors and they can ruin your book. I love Amazon books, you edit and reupload. Buy your own copy and strike away your mistakes.

posted about 6 years ago

CC BY-SA 3.0

Schiller Rick‭

5 reputation 0 1 1 0

Your original question was about how to avoid writing complex sentences, and, as a couple of people have already intimated, perhaps you shouldn't. As I mentioned, I struggle with the same problem. I resolve it with editing, which I haven't done much of for my current work. Every time I re-read it, I look for opportunities to trim words, re-write a sentence, or "tighten things up". The re-writes of your passage provided by Chris Johns and RamblingChicken above are, to my view, excellent representations of what you wanted to say. Using the guidance they provide, you can arrive at the same final product; something you'll be happy with.

posted about 6 years ago

CC BY-SA 3.0

J.D. Ray‭

30 reputation 5 2 4 0

No, your sentences are not at all confusing and your English teacher is wrong.

I could see the vague reflection of a stressed me breaking into a little grin on the damp window pane, as well as my surroundings.

I am from England, and people use this sentence structure occasionally, so its totally fine. I loved that sentence by the way, it paints a picture in my head of the character with bags under their eyes, grinning at their reflection in a misted window.

You should always try and vary your sentence lengths/types in writing to achieve different effects. Sometimes, you should use short sentences, sometimes compound ones, and use these to your advantage as a writer. However, avoid falling into purple prose. This is where almost every other word in your prose is an adjective/adverb, and this seriously isn't good. It's fine to have great description, but be careful not to fall into that. Sometimes, it's best to try and paint the pictures you're trying to create with less words than more. In fact, using the right words, less is more.

I'm in no place to critique your writing, as that's off topic on this site, but I'd like to point out that I feel that in some places you are being a bit too descriptive. For example:

closed glass pane

It feels, a bit, too specific.

I became lost into admiring the lovely shower for a few moments before reality struck me hard.

In this sentence, as well as a few others, your grammar isn't perfect, but you're a non-native speaker so don't worry. I think you're trying to build up a bit of tension/realisation with reality struck me hard. This would be better achieved by making that a simple, short sentence, really juxtaposing the beauteous description before it.

Conclusion

• Vary sentence structure

• Don't fall into purple prose!

I'd like to finally wish you luck with your writing. For not being a native speaker, you're really good!

Actually, I can sum up this answer in just a few words. Sometimes, less is more

posted about 8 years ago

CC BY-SA 3.0

Daniel Cann‭

215 reputation 29 18 34 0

The secret to voice in writing is that what you write needs to be matched to a) you, b) your audience, and c) the specific usage. There is no objective fact of the matter as to whether a given sentence is "too complicated." If it doesn't match you, your audience or the specific usage, it should be rewritten.

• Audience is perhaps the easiest to understand. In the case of a school assignment, your audience is your teachers. What is appropriate writing in this case is whatever your teachers want. You just have to assume they have good reasons for their prescriptions --or even if not, you still must please them. In general, no sentence is good if it is a miss for its intended audience. Often --but not always! --that means making your writing more simple and direct.

• Specific usage is also fairly straightforward. If you are writing poetry you'll write in a different manner than if you are writing a technical manual. You aren't producing good writing if your style doesn't match the setting.

• That leaves the question of your own personal voice, which is generally just something that takes time to find or develop. But keep in mind that personal voice is no excuse for not matching audience and usage. In addition, a common issue for young or new writers is what is called an "affected voice," which basically means trying too hard to sound grown-up, or elegant, or sophisticated (or conversely, trying too hard to sound young, or primal or raw). With that said, it's perfectly ok as a new writer to try on different voices --eventually you'll find one that doesn't sound like trying too hard to be someone else.

In sum, my advice would be to focus now on writing clearly, simply and directly, without a lot of elaboration. As you advance as a writer and as a speaker of English, your style will shift to reflect your increased facility naturally.

posted about 6 years ago

CC BY-SA 3.0

Chris Sunami‭

1355 reputation 13 171 261 0

I don't think you're going to like hearing this, but part of the problem with your writing is bad grammar. Now, English isn't your first language, and you're 12. It's perfectly OK for you to make mistakes. But the thing is, simple sentence structures are more forgiving. When you use more complex sentence structures, and there are issues with your grammar, it makes things harder to follow. For example,

I peered through the window with slick navy blue curtains, swinging to and fro to the movement of the minibus, blocking my view to some extent.

The subject of the first part of your sentence is "I" - "I peered". We expect this to continue being the subject of the sentence, but it is the curtains of course which are "swinging to and fro". The sentence should have been

I peered through the window with slick navy blue curtains, which where swinging to and fro to the movement of the minibus, partially blocking my view.

(I'm sorry, I don't know why "to some extent" sounds unnatural to me in this context. Perhaps somebody else can explain.)

Complex sentences and many descriptions are OK, as far as writing styles go. They create a tone that's slow and measured, more befitting a polite 19th century breakfast than a tense combat scene, but there's nothing wrong with that. But if you're going to demand extra work on the readers' part by giving them complex structures, you've got to give them good grammar and natural word choice. Otherwise, your writing really does become hard to follow.

You learn good grammar and good word choice through reading and through writing, getting comments on your writing, rinse and repeat. You're actually doing quite well. But as long as you're still struggling with the basics, breaking up the sentences, using simpler grammar, would make it easier for your text to be understood.

posted about 6 years ago

CC BY-SA 4.0

Galastel‭

1885 reputation 81 551 319 3

If writing long sentences is a habit, you have two options:

1) Break the habit.
2) Write Regency romances, where lengthy and convoluted sentences are preferred.

More seriously, it doesn't matter how long or short your sentence is if it's unintelligible — your own word. If your reader can't understand you, then you need to edit until you can be understood.

There's a place for dreamy, lyrical, poetic writing. But even poetry has to be broken up occasionally with short phrases, or the inner ear gets exhausted and the brain can't follow a thought across an entire paragraph.

After you've spilled your pasta on the page, make a copy of it. (I suggest a copy so that you don't feel like like you're butchering your beautiful work. It's still there, on the previous page.) As an editing exercise, in your duplicate, take every sentence and cut it into two or three smaller sentences. Do it just to prove you can.

After you've done that 10 times to 10 different passages, go back to your originals and put the short versions side by side. See if you can weave them together: long long short, long short short, long short. Listen for the rhythm of the sentences.

Read your work out loud. This is important. If you find yourself struggling to keep the melody of the sentence coherent, line after line, your sentences are too long. Throw in a shortie to break it up.

posted about 8 years ago

CC BY-SA 4.0

Lauren Ipsum‭

2098 reputation 13 1143 397 1