Generally would an onomatopoeia come before or after the source action is implied

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I have a section which uses an onomatopoeia but I can write it in 2 ways

The onomatopoeia before source action is implied:

"you do realize that she's the personification of the tome. your processing your love for a inanimate object"

*SLAP!*

it was an instant response with total disregard to the possible repercussion, it was all Hayate could do short from wanting to ring Nevulis's neck "I won't have you talk about her like that. Reinforce is alive! could an inanimate object be the father of our daughter!"

The onomatopoeia after source action is implied:

"you do realize that she's the personification of the tome. your processing your love for a inanimate object"

Hayate's rage boiled over. without thinking, ignoring the possible repercussions from Nevulis her hand rose and...

*SLAP!*

"I won't have you talk about her like that. Reinforce is alive! could an inanimate object be the father of our daughter!"

In both cases it's implied that the slap has come from Hayate striking Nevulis in anger from her comment. I am wondering which is generally more accepted, the onomatopoeia coming before or after the source action is implied.

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posted almost 8 years ago

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Memor-X‭

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This isn't a comic strip, it's prose. Written this way, the slap seems cartoony. I'd much rather you describe the action than simply recite the sound it makes.

posted almost 8 years ago

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Neil‭

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First, that is not an onomatopoeia. A slap does not sound like the word slap.

Second, this technique is ineffective either way. You can't turn up the volume in prose using caps and asterisks. Nor can you do sound effects. This is the page, not the screen. All words are read as the same speed and volume. To make any moment dramatic or surprising, you have to set it up properly.

posted almost 8 years ago

CC BY-SA 4.0