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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/31603
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

 **I am now editing for adverbs,** as silly as that may sound to some people. :-) I have learned, 'by ear', that the advice to 'avoid adverbs' is actually not bad advice. But I am also learning that certain types of adverbs are more bothersome than others.

**The worst are those following a dialogue tag.**

> "My father died," she said **sadly**.

'Sadly' may be redundant to the dialogue. The worst cases of this sort of adverb is when it is certainly redundant to the dialogue. "She said" may be sufficient.

**The second worst are those in narrative that are sloppy shortcuts** where some time spent could help your brain identify what it is that you are actually trying to say.

> The horses nickered **nervously**.

This could be rewritten to express the idea of nervousness without adverbs, but perhaps the adverb is fine, especially as it lends itself to efficiency. But, the sentence could be "The horses nickered, and pawed at the ground." This might be an improvement, but any value in the approach seems to depend upon the instance.

**The least offensive** (to my way of thinking) **are those within dialogue.** If a character says "I'm **really** tired," it seems fine to me. Making them say just "I'm tired" or "I'm tired, so much so that I could fall asleep standing here" --- Neither of these seem authentic, since natural dialogue contains adverbs. My characters have permission to use adverbs.

Because I am scanning through for adverbs, I am finding some that should be changed, or cut. Others, I am less certain of. For example, in my draft, one exchange is as follows:

> “Alright. Those ration canisters, each one is six meals. The lid’s the bowl, just mix in water. You got ten of those. The tent, the machete – It’s all standard.” The man **clearly wanted to say more.**
> 
> “Yes?” Bob said.
> 
> “It’s early. You wait a few weeks, there’ll be other folks on the trails. Safer.” The man’s words came out in a rush.

I bolded the adverb and its phrase, and the replacement phrase below. This can be edited to something like:

> “Alright. Those ration canisters, each one is six meals. The lid’s the bowl, just mix in water. You got ten of those. The tent, the machete – It’s all standard.” The man **fidgeted, glancing at Bob.**
> 
> “Yes?” Bob said.
> 
> “It’s early. You wait a few weeks, there’ll be other folks on the trails. Safer.” The man’s words came out in a rush.

I have no idea how to assess which of these permutations is better, or if it even matters. If you have thoughts or ideas about the hierarchy of adverbs and how to assess edits of adverbs, I'm curious to hear them! Thanks!

Original score: 7