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Do not say "written boldly", everybody knows what a "football shirt" looks like. A "football shirt" is a "jersey", the reader will know it is a football jersey by any single mention of football. ...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-19T22:13:18Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/32964 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T07:50:08Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/32964 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
Do not say "written boldly", everybody knows what a "football shirt" looks like. A "football shirt" is a "jersey", the reader will know it is a **football** jersey by any single mention of football. > Aiden watched the boy with jersey number 10 running on the football field. +1 Morgan. To expand, if you want something better than the neutral "watched", try "admired" or some other word for observation that conveys some kind of intent or emotion. "analyzed", for example, or "recognized", or "was impressed by the speed of", or "was amused by the awkward run of". More words do not hurt if they convey some kind of emotional impact, and "watched" does not. The same applies to his "run"; the word is very neutral, but if it is going to have any impact on Aiden, it could be better characterized somewhere on the scale of incompetent to astonishing, or unique, or recognized as being a particular person she knows. But for plausibility's sake, it should not be on the rail at either extreme unless this running ability is a critical plot point (as it was in Forrest Gump).
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2018-02-02T14:39:20Z (almost 7 years ago)
Original score: 5