Details: How do you describe a character's clothing in a story?
I'm writing a story and I need to describe the character's appearance. My character is wearing a football jersey and running on the field, so how can I describe this better? This is what I came up with:
Aiden watched the player with number ten written boldly on his football shirt running on the football field.
I need to make this better and I need ideas and help. I know it sounds ridiculous but English is not my first language and that's why I'm struggling with it. Thank you :)
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/32956. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
3 answers
You are accessing this answer with a direct link, so it's being shown above all other answers regardless of its score. You can return to the normal view.
Do not say "written boldly", everybody knows what a "football shirt" looks like.
A "football shirt" is a "jersey", the reader will know it is a football jersey by any single mention of football.
Aiden watched the boy with jersey number 10 running on the football field.
+1 Morgan. To expand, if you want something better than the neutral "watched", try "admired" or some other word for observation that conveys some kind of intent or emotion.
"analyzed", for example, or "recognized", or "was impressed by the speed of", or "was amused by the awkward run of". More words do not hurt if they convey some kind of emotional impact, and "watched" does not.
The same applies to his "run"; the word is very neutral, but if it is going to have any impact on Aiden, it could be better characterized somewhere on the scale of incompetent to astonishing, or unique, or recognized as being a particular person she knows. But for plausibility's sake, it should not be on the rail at either extreme unless this running ability is a critical plot point (as it was in Forrest Gump).
0 comment threads
There are many ways to approach this, but here are a few thoughts I had reading your question:
- Definitely use "football jersey" rather than "football shirt"
- Describe not just what the clothing is but how it is - does it fit tightly, or is it loose? Are the colors bright or faded? Does it appear worn-out or dirty, or freshly washed?
- Pay attention to how the character is running, and describe it in a way that says something about the eyes through which you're seeing him run. Does he sprint, charge, jog, or pant, etc?
- try to avoid using adverbs a lot (like "boldly" - if you have others in surrounding context, this one could probably go).
Hope this is helpful!
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/33021. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
0 comment threads
You have tons of options, depending on the context and the purpose of that sentence:
If we already know the scene is at a football field, then "Aiden watched Number Ten running on the field." ("Football" is redundant.)
If we already know the character Aiden is watching the activities at the football field, then "Number Ten ran on the field." ("Aiden watched" and "football" are redundant.)
If Number Ten isn't part of the story, then you could even delete the whole sentence. Or "Aiden sat in the bleachers watching the game."
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/32974. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
0 comment threads
0 comment threads