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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/34417
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Please do not make this a duplicate, I know there's a couple of questions like this, but they are not quite like my question, and their answers don't answer my question to the fullest, hence me asking my own.

I'm writing a zombie apocalypse genre book (yes, I know it's a heavily used and abused writing genre, but I'm writing it in my way, a way I believe is a good way). Anyway, I caught myself writing "he and/or Will" one too many times in the beginning paragraph. The paragraph solely serves the purpose of making time go by (as the highly contagious zombie virus takes a little time to spread), but also to give the reader a feel of one of the main characters and my writing style. The paragraph is supposed to have a little comedic value through how I write it an through a little vulgar language. Feel free to give feedback on that too. Here it goes.

> Day 1  
> **08:00 AM**
> 
> "Alright, I’ll pick up Jack from school after work, and then we’ll head to the supermarket", Mia said as she grabbed the keys to her car.
> 
> "Okay, catch some bad guys then", Will said as he kissed his wife.
> 
> "I will, you worry about doing the bare minimum on your day off", Mia said taking Jack’s hand.
> 
> "I’ll try. See you later bandit", Will said hugging his son.
> 
> "See you later dad", he said grabbing his Spider-Man backpack and heading eagerly out the door.
> 
> Mia followed and waved as she headed out the door.
> 
> Will stood silently in the middle of his simplistic abode, and nodded to himself. _What to do?_ He asked himself dumb-founded as to what he was going to do with the abundance of time he suddenly had on his hands. It wasn’t often he had a day off, and now he did. Will walked into the kitchen and poured some cheerios into a bowl, and covered it in milk, making them float like water doughnuts. He grabbed a spoon and started slurping the the cereal into him whilst walking around his home. Nothing much was going on outside, he thought as he looked out of his window.
> 
> "Wow, I have truly sunk to a new level of purposelessness", he said catching himself in the act of looking out through the window like an old man.

There's more text, but I think the writing is better in that paragraph and utilized less "he/Wills" in it. The paragraph isn't supposed to convey much information, rather just a little text to get you started and get the "action" started. It's super mundane and boring, but I thought it was need. But then again, I do not know, hence me asking you all.

Original score: 6