Is there a tactful way to give advice to a writer who needs it, but doesn't think so?
I have a friend who is a rather ambitious (writing and otherwise), and has even self-published a couple of books. I know having a sense of self-confidence is a good thing, but just churning out luke-warm books and blogs which have little to no feed back will not help (save from a few lovely friends and family). What is the most tactful way to approach this, and say, maybe work on your skills a bit more before you spend money on publishing your books?
I strongly admire the work ethic, but I feel my friend desperately needs some guidance in the quality sphere.
I'm not sure if this question is better suited in interpersonal.se
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While honesty is an admirable trait, I feel the prime "purpose" of friends and family is to offer support, not criticism. People who make it in the world usually have close relations who stand by them without ever doubting them. Even if your friend explicitly asks for an honest judgment, as long as you are not a literary agent or other kind of expert yourself, I would be extremely careful by destoying their hope with a layperson's opinion that might in fact be completely wrong.
You learn writing by writing. If your friend keeps writing they will eventually get better. So don't discourage them by telling them they cannot write, when in fact they probably will learn it if you motivate them. Think of parents and children. Children cannot walk or write or speak a foreign language, when they first attempt it, yet parents praise them for their efforts until they can, because a realistic assessment is not what the learner needs, but support and encouragement.
If you honestly feel that your friends would profit from some honest feedback, for example, because it might help them to learn writing better faster, suggest to them to join a writing group or employ an editor before they publish their works. But make sure you don't say that their writing sucks and they need help to make it acceptable, but rather that it's good but can be made better.
Finally, you can point out a few of the most glaring mistakes. A good practice is to begin with praise, offer one point of criticism, then end in praise. Do not point out all the faults that you see, just the ones that you think your friend might themselves agree with once they notice them (or that maybe they already are aware of themselves). But don't expect anything from your criticism, don't press, and generally remain supportive of their endeavour.
Basically think about what you expect from your friends and family when you really want something and try to make it work. Most people want at least one person who unfailingly believes in them. Give your friends what you wish for them to give to you.
If you are really right and your friend's writing is truly bad, reality will eventually kick in in the form of continued rejections from publishers, low sales of self-published books, and bad reviews from readers. If, on the other hand, your friend is successful, your assessment of their quality doesn't matter. Many bestsellers are badly written.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/34618. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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If they haven't asked me to read it, or tell them what I think, I would do nothing at all. Given any opportunity that qualifies as an "ask", I would be truthful.
I would not pretend to be any more expert than my friend, I'd just be honest about my own reactions:
I did not like the story, it seemed like the same story as XYZ. Or it seemed so predictable it wasn't interesting.
There were parts that made no sense to me, people were too stupid, or there were too convenient lucky breaks, or impossible guesses, or doing things for no good reason that turned out to be insanely lucky. It seemed unnatural or forced or too unrealistic.
The dialogue seemed forced (at specific points), and unrealistic, I don't think anybody would talk like that.
Whatever the flaws are, I am a reader, I have my own emotions and reactions to written material: My friend cannot argue that "you don't feel that" or "you don't think that".
If asked what I think of it, I would point out their problems that way, Here is my reaction to it.
If you are not a fellow writer, I would NOT get into suggesting writing groups, or specific fixes, or whatever.
These rules, btw, are not something I practice HERE, where people ask for specific solutions to problems (and I am a writer qualified to give advice). These rules are for a personal friend you do not want to lose, and do not want to start an argument with about the best way to write. It leaves you an out: If he thinks he writes wonderfully that's fine, his opinion does not have to change yours.
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