How to refer to characters in a non-repetitive way in the third person? [closed]
Closed by System on May 29, 2018 at 19:16
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Currently, I'm running into an issue with constructing a scene in third person in which the POV character is having a conversation with his mother. Since it's third person, I can't just be like "Mom said this. Mom did that."
And, since it's his mom, I can't just refer to her by name. (Or can I?) I'm mostly having to overuse "his mother" to the point where even I'M annoyed by it.
The problem is that for example How do I say that a character said something without resorting to “said Character” every time? is referring to dialogue tags. I'm trying to find a way for a character to refer to the person he's speaking to that isn't repetitive.
As an example:
His mother did a thing. She was always doing that thing.
"I resent you thinking I always do that thing."
"Sorry, Mom, but you totally always do that thing," he said. His mother stormed away.
I'm always referring to her the same way, and I can't switch it up without being untrue to the way that the POV character thinks of her.
What are ways to fix this?
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@LHH I'm posting an actual answer in response to your comment above.
Firstly, I gathered it wasn't the actual scene. There's nothing wrong with posting your actual writing so long as you are asking a valid question (which you are) and not expecting an edit of that sample. I would change your question to use part of your own scene.
Secondly, if the repetition of 'his mother' is already annoying you, you can guarantee it's going to annoy your reader.
You say that you need to use 'his mother' repeatedly to stay true to the way the protagonist feels about her. As in, you wish to make it clear to the reader that the protagonist is annoyed/frustrated by her and this is best conveyed by constantly referring to her as 'mother'? It's a common foible, especially with new writers (I know because I slip into it often myself), to feel they need to be extremely clear about the meaning they wish to convey, to the point that they end up beating the reader over the head with it.
Readers are surprisingly adept at divining meaning from very subtle lines of dialogue and action. And you may find you do not need to hammer the protagonist's feelings home with the constant repetition of 'mother'.
I would suggest you look closely at your scene and see if his feelings are already conveyed with your protagonist's dialogue and actions. Instead of telling the reader about his frustrations with this constant repetition, try showing it instead. Convey it in his language, in the way he taps his forehead in frustration, or takes deep breaths and counts to ten (these are just examples).
For example:
She was doing it again. She was always doing it.
She said, "I resent you for even thinking that."
Ben pressed his fingers hard into his temples. "Sorry, Mom, but you did it yesterday, you're doing it now, you're always doing it!"
His mother stormed out.
You may find there are moments when you don't need the 'his mother' tag at all, because it is very clear that she is speaking. So remove as many as you can. As in the above example, the 'he said' isn't required.
I would also leave the scene to rest for a few days, then come back to it and read it out loud. Does it still sound repetitive? Are ALL the 'mothers' really necessary or could you leave just a few in place where they have moments of real impact, replacing the rest with 'she'?
Remember that repetition sometimes has the opposite effect to the one you intend. A bit like when you say a word over and over until it loses all meaning. Instead of giving the word power by using it in one or two select places, repetition removes its power altogether.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/36399. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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In Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling alternates between "Aunt Petunia" "his aunt" and "she".
In Something Wicked This Way Comes, Ray Bradbury has the following:
Far off, the old man smiled.
They approached each other, carefully.
'Is that you, Will? Grown an inch since this morning.' Charles Halloway shifted his gaze. 'Jim. Eyes darker, cheeks paler; you burn yourself at both ends, Jim?'
'Heck,' said Jim.
'No such place as Heck. But hell's right here under "A" for Alighieri.'
'Allegory's beyond me,' said Jim.
'How stupid of me,' Dad laughed. 'I mean Dante.' (Ray Bradbury, Something Wicked This Way Comes, chapter 2)
In the same passage, he uses "the old man", "Charles Halloway" and "Dad", all referring to the same person, same character's father.
I'd say, the third person narration can reflect how the MC thinks of the character they're talking to, and how you want the reader to think of them. Harry Potter doesn't think of his aunt as "Mrs. Dursley", nor as "auntie", so you wouldn't see those terms used.
You would see "Mrs. Dursley", for example, used if you wanted to distance the reader from Harry's POV, make them see the scene without Harry's bias, as it were. Such usage would be somewhat jarring, which you could use to deliberate effect.
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