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Q&A

Choosing between two people in a romance?

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So, my dilemma is as follows. I have a romance project with the MC trying to choose between two women who he cares for very much. Each has broken his heart, but are willing to make amends and provided justification for their misdeeds.

In order to give you more information, I'll talk a bit about the persons involved.

Cassidy is the MC's childhood friend and high school sweetheart. She's a tomboy, yet is very sweet and caring. However, in their high school years, she met someone who took on a trip to the "dark side". I'm not going to mention anything gratuitously, but she did go off the deep end here. She stopped seeing the MC, and grew more and more attached to the new stranger, stopping altogether when the MC left to go to college. But, after the man was killed in a gunfight, she went through rehab and started to turn her life around.

On the other hand, Diane was a waitress at a place the MC enjoys to eat at. The two often saw each other, and would occasionally chat and make small talk while he ordered. However, when a particularly inebriated customer started going a little too far, the MC intervened, and after a small scuffle outside, returned triumphant. However, Diane's family is... not the happiest when it comes to their daughter being "out in the world." They'd rather be able to "keep an eye on her" and when she was invited to visit, she disappeared for months.

Now, both girls are here, and want to get back together with him. Since he still cares very deeply for both of them, he's going to forgive a lot easier than most, and will eventually get back together with one or the other.

MY question is, though, how do I, who have grown attached to both of the characters and want them both to succeed, do so in a way that doesn't seem like I'm settling for one or the other?

This question could apply not only to straight, male-on-female relationships, but to any relationship.

I'm not trying to ask who is worse, or who to pick at the end. It's how do I "detach" myself from my characters in order to make a decision.

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Let's broaden the question. You have two paths down which the plot can proceed. You find both equally appealing. How do you choose? Consider, then, this:

  • Which option offers more character growth, for the MC, and also possibly for other characters?
  • Which option offers more conflict? Conflict is the soul of a story, so more conflict is good. In effect, which option is more interesting?
  • Which option goes better with other elements of your story, with core philosophies you're trying to impart? How does this choice mesh with other choices the MC is making? What does choosing Option A over Option B tell us about the MC? What does it tell us about Right and Wrong?

Consider also whether there is a "third option". Are there some alternatives you haven't considered, or must the plot necessarily follow down either Path A or Path B? Could you perhaps surprise us with a twist ending that would be neither, or both, and provide even more conflict, even more character growth, be even more in line with what you want to say?

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To answer the actual question that you asked:

how do I, who have grown attached to both of the characters and want them both to succeed, do so in a way that doesn't seem like I'm settling for one or the other?

by walking yourself and the reader through the process. Being in love with two women can be nerve-wracking and leave you in exactly this position you find yourself in: Frozen, unable to decide anything, stuck between the chairs.

Explore this feeling in your MC. Make him go through the decision process again and again and again. Show his pain, because you have a version of that pain in yourself. Bring it out into your story.

And then here is how it will end: Either by walking through the process, a decision will appear, a clear path will emerge from the fog and triumphantly, you and your MC both take it.

...or it ends in desaster because the girls won't wait forever and if he can't make up his mind, time and things happening will take them both away.

...or if you have a path for yourself that doesn't fit for your MC (e.g. you prefer one girl because you just find it easier to write her) then external circumstances make the decision for the MC. A sudden death by accident can take one of the girls, the other comforts him and he ends up with her but there's this nagging feeling if maybe he should have been with the other... well, you know, you basically set up a sequel where that conflict will be explored.

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Obviously as an author, you are going to wind up with

1) No girls,
2) Girl 1,
3) Girl 2,
4) Both girls.

You have to decide. Probably, no matter the outcome, you should have him try with both girls. Take the one he will not end up with, so he discovers in the course of that relationship why he can't be with her, then have him try with the other girl, and (A) discover why he can't be with her either, or (B) discover she was the right girl all along.

The excuse for starting with the wrong girl can be simple: She called first, they dated, they slept together, then Girl 2 comes back, and he isn't a cheater, so he puts her in the friend zone. Until Girl 1 turns out to be a drunk, or drug user, or rage-a-holic, or she's into cosplay sex as a chipmunk and that weirds him out.

That covers situations (1,2,3) and situation (4), he ends up with both girls, probably means the girls are into each other, or you are telling a more modern tale of more open relationships, like multiple friends with benefits.

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