Showing that a character is in pain in a dialogue

It's hyper-specific to a character. But here are some things I use. Note that the non-verbal cues will hit home harder when coupled with verbal ones.

• Some will refuse to talk, not trusting their voice. With these characters I try to offer visual cues: profuse sweating, grimacing, 'pained' look, balling an relaxing hand, squaring jaw, or the well-placed unintelligible scream.

• Swearing profusely. This is more striking with characters that don't swear.

• Sharp inhales of breath (doesn't work with injured ribs/chest).

• Being irritable, withdrawn, sullen. 'Needing a drink'.

• Tearing up.

• Voice becoming haggard, shouting.

• Suddenly becoming violent.

• Becoming confused, forgetful, unable to focus (the pain is all they can process, and they wish to the gods to forget that too).

• Otherwise unexplained actions. Suddenly needing to walk, suddenly needing to stop walking. Curling up into a fetal position (more common with extreme pain). Biting/sucking on finger (the sucking reflex we have as babies doesn't fade, it's just muted from disuse).

For other possibilities look into pain scales. (note: link is to one site, but there a many out there.

EDIT

As requested, an example. Again, note that this is character specific, pain type specific, and injury or pain source specific. I'm a writer, but I was also a nurse, so I have a LOT of experience with people in pain.

Hmm, let's see. Injury: bruised ribs (incurred less than a day, so fresh-ish, but not as bad as initial injury, bet on a 4-5 on the pain scale detailed in the link above). Character: somewhat stoic. Scene, father (injured) talking to his daughter (1st person narrator).

Dad sits up in his hospital bed. His hair is dishevelled, his breathing even but shallow. It's the look in his eyes, though. That drawn look and the subtle frown even as he smiles.

"Hey." He coughs, his lips tightening against his suddenly bared teeth as tears well up in both our eyes. He takes a purposefully slow and deep breath, as if working up the courage to continue. "Hey, sweetie. When'd," he swallows as slow and careful as he can, another breath, shallower this time, "you. Get here?"

Things to take note of. Bruised ribs hurt. Not as bad as fractured or broken ribs, but they hurt all the same. And breathing with our chest causes ribs to move and do all the things you don't want. Speaking is a challenge with pain management with injured ribs. After a few days it becomes more 'natural' to speak with the altered speech pattern, so you learn to manage your breathing differently (or many patients I dealt with did this, consciously or otherwise).

posted almost 6 years ago

CC BY-SA 3.0

Fayth85‭

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If you are in pain, you will have a hard time concentrating, which can make a conversation a bit disjointed.

You will pause, catch your breath, maybe close your eyes.

You will stumble over words, stutter, put out the wrong word, correct yourself, maybe forget the word you're looking for. Stop. Shake the head. Move on.

Syllables may break a part. One. Word. At. A. Time. Then a blast of words all together in a rush with a sigh at the effort of it all.

Punctuate with damn, God, oh, a sharp intake of breath. The rhythm of speaking. Is off. Off. Can't really. Words aren't clear. Doesn't matter, the order, doesn't matter. Repeat yourself. Breathe. Start the phrase on a new word. Leave out everything but the core important part. You won't notice if your listener doesn't understand.

Questions don't matter. The conversation is what you need to convey. Eyes down. Other people are a fog. You only hope that your words reach them. But you don't know. You continue speaking because you don't know if you got through.

posted almost 6 years ago

CC BY-SA 4.0

Cyn‭

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