Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/42012
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

(TW, depression related stuff?)

In my AP Lang class, we've recently started an activity called Visiting Author, where a student does a cold read of a piece they wrote and the others give criticism and suggestions either out loud or on paper. I volunteered to read a poem I had written about my life. Afterwards, during the suggestions and reading over people's thoughts, I noticed a few people criticized my use of run-on sentences.

Example One, directly from my piece:

> i vomited up equations and
> 
> heaved tears into my pillows
> 
> when i heard my mother say,
> 
> "i'm disappointed,"
> 
> because the numbers always needed
> 
> to be higher
> 
> except when it came to the
> 
> milligrams of medication,
> 
> pulvules of prozac replacing my pupils,
> 
> dependency on my happy pills
> 
> does not dare affect
> 
> the prodigy.

Example Two:

> coddled by trauma, taught to walk
> 
> by mental breakdowns mislabeled as
> 
> temper tantrums,
> 
> and at the tender age of nine
> 
> in the fifth house i'd lived in
> 
> the manifestations of my illness
> 
> wrapped a belt around my neck
> 
> and tried to silence me,
> 
> but i didn't have time.

Are these sentences "bad", or confusing? Are run-ons always a bad idea, or can they be effective? Is my use of run-on sentences effective?

Original score: 5