Does detail obscure or enhance action?
I have two versions of a pivotal scene in my novel (both already written).
My SP is a rather impulsive young woman who is learning to be a bit less of a hothead. She saves the MC by literally taking a bullet for him.
In version A, she intuits the situation and, suppressing all fear, reacts almost instinctively. It is one paragraph long.
In version B, she intuits the situation, suppresses all fear, realizes this is not who she is and decides to act. It is three paragraphs long.
The first would imply that the courage is more a part of her character than even she realized, but makes her action more of a response to stimuli than a deliberate act of valour.
The second gives her more credit for the courage, more growth as a person and more ownership of the valorous act itself.
My question is, given a combat situation, would the more detailed version seem less credible as time is literally of the essence? How best to shine a light on her valour without it seeming cavalier?
These circumstances are either ideal for an epiphany or would stifle such.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/44383. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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Assuming she survives (or in some cases even if she doesn't depending on how the story is structured) don't forget that you can always do the short version (which I agree with the others would most likely work better for an action scene) but then weave the other details in retrospectively.
For example perhaps she's in hospital afterwards talking about that moment and the thoughts that flashed through her mind in that instant. Or you could be more subtle and weave in references to it in multiple later scenes.
Storytelling doesn't have to be as linear as some people make it.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44394. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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In an action scene, short is better, and in a battle, people do not have time to reflect (unless they have magically fast thinking). IRL fight training, there is a strong emphasis on repetition to make your defensive moves "muscle memory" automatic, so you take care of that part subconsciously (as you eventually learn to do when riding a bike, driving a car, typing, even learning to walk). In Kung Fu; they call it your body "becoming" Kung Fu; so your body blocks or ducks a punch the instant you recognize one is thrown, your leg catches a kick the same way; because in practice you've blocked hundreds of kicks. When defense is automatic, your mind has time to think on offense, but again that is just think "punch" and the body throws the punch in good form. Just like I think the word "expert" and my hands type it without further mental attention by me.
In real fights for amateurs, adrenaline and emotion (anger or fear) severely impairs the frontal cortex, the seat of logical thinking. It takes much training to be able to actually think rationally in a fight.
So if you want your girl to have an epiphany, I'd suggest she have that either well before or well after the impulsive move to save somebody else.
For example, when asked by the person she saved why she did it, she can say,
"I have no idea, I just did it. But I was thinking yesterday, I don't want to be a coward anymore, it is ruining my life. So, maybe, that's not who I am anymore. I hope that's not who I am."
"Well, you picked a great time to change it up. Thank you."
Realistically, in a fight (without magical mentalities), only the most experienced and trained fighters have time to think, plan or strategize, and the instant between realizing a trigger is being pulled (which might be done with training) and getting into the path of the bullet is far too short for any kind of deep thinking.
This is one of the reasons we use short, choppy sentences in fight description, and avoid metaphors and allegories; they don't fit well.
Now that doesn't mean "detail" cannot be included, I have fight sequences that in real time might be two or three minutes long, but go on for pages. But it is in the style above; the narrator is describing move-by-move, quick thoughts and realizations about the fight, without much decoration. No deep thinking.
Brittney's right forearm had Angela in chokehold. As Angela tried to pry it loose, Brittney took a half step right to regain leverage. Angela could see Brittney's left foot.
She leaned into the choke to force Brittney to support her weight, and stomped hard on the bridge of the foot with her heel. Brittney yelped and loosened her grip immediately. Angela thought she might have broken a bone. Angela freed her right arm and grabbed Brittney's right pinky, yanking to fold it backward and break it.
Etc.
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