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I have two versions of a pivotal scene in my novel (both already written). My SP is a rather impulsive young woman who is learning to be a bit less of a hothead. She saves the MC by literally taki...
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T11:38:23Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/44383 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Rasdashan
·
2019-12-08T11:38:23Z (about 5 years ago)
I have two versions of a pivotal scene in my novel (both already written). My SP is a rather impulsive young woman who is learning to be a bit less of a hothead. She saves the MC by literally taking a bullet for him. In version A, she intuits the situation and, suppressing all fear, reacts almost instinctively. It is one paragraph long. In version B, she intuits the situation, suppresses all fear, realizes this is not who she is and decides to act. It is three paragraphs long. The first would imply that the courage is more a part of her character than even she realized, but makes her action more of a response to stimuli than a deliberate act of valour. The second gives her more credit for the courage, more growth as a person and more ownership of the valorous act itself. My question is, given a combat situation, would the more detailed version seem less credible as time is literally of the essence? How best to shine a light on her valour without it seeming cavalier? These circumstances are either ideal for an epiphany or would stifle such.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2019-04-05T05:05:37Z (over 5 years ago)
Original score: 9