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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/44891
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

So I usually use stackexchange as a last resort, but I'm completely stumped. If this question is inappropriate here, I will gladly delete it.

None of my teachers say that anything is wrong with my writing, but I suspect it's because I'm still young. I feel that my writing is incredibly... off? I feel that I try too hard to be "profound" and use "too many" rhetorical techniques to the point where it sounds... staccato, but NOBODY has mentioned it. I can't seem to change this, especially when writing emotions. I can write pretty fluidly, with non-fiction/persuasive projects, but anything else I fail miserably at. Just my ADHD, or indicative of a bigger (changeable) problem?

I think that my writing style comes from "gritty" video games and war movies, but not from actual books, so could that be my problem? I read a lot of course, but nothing like what I write.

Here's an example. I never finish writing ANYTHING, but I always have the concept down.

This is after a journal entry, with the main character being completely oblivious to what's about to happen. It's supposed to shift the mood quickly.

> Fire.
> 
> Hellfire.
> 
> The concrete melts below me.
> 
> The bodies sink. The smell of rot fills the city.
> 
> Six men get up, skin charred black. Determined to fight.
> 
> Six men die, peppered with bullets. Cut to ribbons.
> 
> I run, and take cover under their bodies.
> 
> It works.
> 
> Only 300 meters to go.

I think this part is sort of satisfactory, but I obviously can't keep up this style for the next 300 meters. I took some inspiration from the [Saving Private Ryan screenplay](http://www.moviescriptsandscreenplays.com/BenandMatt/savingprivateryan.txt), which I think also limits me. It's my all-time favorite movie, but I think it's ruined my writing style.

Original score: 1