How should this ‘be going to’ be revised?
I don't know if I can ask about this in this site. But anyway I'll give it a shot. (This question is a spin-off from EL&U.)
Here is a skit from a radio English conversation program, dealing with American English.
A: guest B: front desk clerk C: A's wife
(at the front desk of a hotel)
A: I have a reservation for a room under the name of Hal Lloyd.
B: I can't seem to pull up your reservation. Do you have a confirmation number?
A: It's 7228.
B: Here it is. We don't have any more standard rooms available. I'm going to put you in our deluxe room with a kitchenette.
A: That's fine with us.
(in the deluxe room)
A: The room is decorated very tastefully.
C: It's very nice! I'm going to sit down in this plush sofa and read.
I hear that some people say C's “I’m going to …” line is a little strange. I'd like to know the reason why this sounds strange and how you would feel from the sentence in detail. Also, I'd like to know what words you would use to rewrite it as a scriptwriter.
I'd appreciate it if you could help me.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/3232. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
1 answer
The English is fine, but as Janet at EL&U said, it does feel artificial. Not because of the phrasing, but because of the content - C is announcing her intention to do something very uninteresting (sit down and read), and is pointlessly explicit in describing the sofa. Most people wouldn't feel the need to announce something like that; they'd just sit down and start reading.
Now, in language lessons, artificiality is par for the course - you want plain, simple, clear sentences, with focus on the words you're trying to teach, and not too many difficult words besides the ones you're teaching. Linguistic eloquence is not a major factor, so this piece would be fine. (Also, most actors could pull this line off just fine without even seeming artificial - it just takes more consideration than the casual reader will give it.)
If you really want a plausible rewrite, either strike the line entirely, or put in some obvious reason for the line, or perhaps some character:
- It's very nice! I'm going to sit down in this plush sofa and read - will you come sit with me?
- It's very nice! Let's not unpack right away - I want to sit down in this plush sofa an read for a while.
- It's very nice! And look what a beautiful, plush sofa - oh, I just want to curl up in it with a good book this very moment!
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