Referring to different instances of the same character in time travel
I am writing a story that involves time travel, and I have a chapter where a character from the future interacts with his present-day self. This chapter is written from the present-day self's POV.
Early feedback on the chapter indicates that I'm not doing the greatest job distinguishing between the two instances of the character.
I'm very wary of using out-of-character perspective tropes (e.g. "the older blond", "the other man"); what are some good ways to distinguish between them without taking the reader too far out of the story?
YA genre, present-day character is 15; time-traveling character is 20.
So far I've used "the man", "his older counterpart", "his future self", "his older self", "Older Adrien", and "his other self".
The younger character -- and I think the one who is causing the most problems for my readers -- is only ever referred to "Adrien".
Both of them get "he" and "his" and I believe I am not breaking any of the rules that would make those difficult to distinguish.
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I think it may be solved using the same term consistently.
From what you wrote:
"the man", "his older counterpart", "his future self", "his older self", "Older Adrien", and "his other self".
Those are a lot of synonyms. While they are correct and they do convey the idea, a reader is going to be pulled out if you change "the name" of a character every third sentence.
Establish a single nick to distinguish between the two; if you can keep it short, the better (Older Adrien or Adult Adrien could be good and straightforward). You could also use "old adrien", maybe playing on the fact that from a teenager‘s point of view, being 20 years old seems like "a big deal".
Once you choose a "name" for your character, readers will become accostumed to it, even if it gets repeated a lot. Those repetitions tend to become invisible to the readers, since our brains "filter" them out.
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Pick a name and go with it.
If the fact of the new character being future Adrien isn't a secret from the reader, you don't have to worry about names that spoil the surprise.
Use whatever name Adrien himself will use. He's not going to refer internally to his future self by his own name or by something long. He'll pick a name pretty quickly, because his brain is going to need to wrap itself around this situation and that's an important way of doing it.
You know the character best, but here are some names you might choose from:
- Future Adrien
- Future Me
- Mr. Smith (whatever Adrien's last name is)
- (whatever Adrien's middle name is)
- Some nickname neither Adrien will find insulting, like Adie or Enn.
- A childhood nickname that isn't based on his name.
Establish this name very quickly and then use it consistently.
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This is a frame challenge. I think your issue could also be that your characters do not have a distinct voice.
A 15 years old sounds different from a 20 years old. I am not referring to the timbre of their voices, which should also be different. The vocabulary is different, the ability to articulate their thoughts is different. Even their logic, their values, their fears, dreams and desires may be different. Regardless of how you call them, these two characters should be easily identifiable by your readers.
Suggestions:
timbre and mannerism: the younger character has a higher pitched voice. He may squeak, chirp and squeal at times. The older character has a deeper tone. He may also speak slower.
vocabulary: the younger one repeats himself more often. He uses simpler and more common words. He may try to use words heard from the older one, but not necessarily in the right context. The older one may use slang and jargon to sound cool.
articulating thoughts. The younger one speaks his entire line of thinking, it is linear, and may not branch into a lot of alternative considerations. The older one frequently considers alternatives, which he expresses use longer sentences, and conditional clauses.
logic: the kid has a greater more vivid imagination. Hemay consider things that are outright impossible. He may be more prone to believe based on empathy alone. The older one is more likely to question a statement.
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The Magic 2.0 series by Scott Meyer has this situation with a core character (so it's not a passing situation). The narrator and the characters identify the two as Brit the Elder and Brit the Younger. When more time-travel shenanigans happen, we also encounter Brit the Even Elder and Brit the Much Younger, which doesn't seem sustainable but these are shorter scenes.
An alternative to these kinds of sequential references is "place of origin" references, if that's meaningful to you. If you have a time-traveler from way in the future visiting a modern-day character, they might be New York Bob and Alpha Centauri Bob or, more ominously, Last-Days Bob and Post-Cataclysm Bob. Any reference that readers and all involved characters will (come to) understand and that is durable works.
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