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Q&A Multiple lines of dialogue and action from a single character

I am in the middle of writing a scene between two characters, a cello player, Lisa and her friend from college, Jack. Lisa has recently lost her sight, and Jack is trying to encourage her back into...

1 answer  ·  posted 4y ago by Melanie Gault-Taylor‭  ·  last activity 4y ago by System‭

#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T12:39:25Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/47144
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by user avatar Melanie Gault-Taylor‭ · 2019-12-08T12:39:25Z (over 4 years ago)
I am in the middle of writing a scene between two characters, a cello player, Lisa and her friend from college, Jack. Lisa has recently lost her sight, and Jack is trying to encourage her back into music.

The following piece of dialogue is spoken entirely by Jack, but the POV is from Lisa (so I'm limited to how I can describe the "action"), and the action is from both characters.

> "Hang on, I got you this," Jack said, thrusting a book into Lisa's hands. "I didn't exactly know what I was looking for, but this place has everything." He took her hand and guided it to the top of the book, where Lisa could feel the raised bumps of braille under her fingertips; it was a music score. "Lisa, you gotta come with me to see—" Lisa could feel the panic vibrating through him as soon as the words left his mouth. "Shit, sorry," he said. "I am so sorry."

Should it all be on the one paragraph? I feel like it doesn't look right.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2019-08-05T22:25:09Z (over 4 years ago)
Original score: 2