Can I mix one character's dialogue with another's POV in the same paragraph?
I'm struggling trying to write a scene (fiction novel). I want to know if it would be confusing to write it this way:
Paul shook his head, yanked away. “Sure it is, Mike. You left me there,” he looked out of the window, “with her.”
He heard Mike sigh. “I’m sorry. Things between your mother and me weren’t good, and quite honestly, I wasn’t ready to be a father yet. We were still kids ourselves." Paul felt Mike's hand on his shoulder. "I can't take back the things I've done."
I'm writing from Paul's POV, what he hears/feels as Mike is talking to him. Is it clear that Mike is the one speaking? Or is it confusing?
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There is nothing in your example snippet that made Paul or Mike the Point of View character.
Sure there are some confusingly worded sentences, but you can easily solve that by zooming out to either a 3rd person narrator perspective, or committing to the POV of one or the other character.
But if you want to stay with Paul's POV...
Mike sighed. “I’m sorry. Things between your mother and me weren’t good, and quite honestly, I wasn’t ready to be a father yet. We were still kids ourselves."
He put his hand on Paul's shoulder and said, "I can't take back the things I've done."
Having a POV characterdoesn't mean you need to start every statement with Paul felt. Paul heard.. Paul noticed..
All it means is, the readers see and experience what the POV character can see and experience. And on top of that the readers can hear the thoughts of the POV character
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/48782. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0.
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