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The second sentence feels grammatically incorrect because it's not a sentence; it's two fragments joined by a semicolon. That doesn't make it wrong, but that's probably why you're reacting that wa...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:10:07Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/4894 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
The second sentence feels grammatically incorrect because it's not a sentence; it's two fragments joined by a semicolon. That doesn't make it wrong, but that's probably why you're reacting that way. If you want to keep the fragment style, I would tweak it thus: > Or perhaps not despite -- perhaps _because of_. I made two changes there. First, I emphasized "because of", since that's the key insight that (I assume) you'll build out in the sentences to follow. The other is that I replaced the semicolon with a dash; a semicolon puts up more of a "barrier" between the clauses (like that one I just used), while a dash is more flexible. In this case the dash suggests a thought sequence, which seems to fit with what you're trying to do. (If you want to suggest a more gradual, contemplative process, instead of a dash you could use an ellipsis -- the first thought "trails off" to be replaced by the second.)
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2012-01-27T15:42:39Z (over 12 years ago)
Original score: 5