Post History
I concur with Dale; this is so disjointed as to be incoherent. The paragraph needs some context and your sentences need to be simpler and more straightforward.
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:13Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/6655 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:35:02Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/6655 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
I concur with Dale; this is so disjointed as to be incoherent. The paragraph needs some context and your sentences need to be simpler and more straightforward.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2012-11-14T11:20:47Z (about 12 years ago)
Original score: 0