Is it a bad idea to vary the voice of the narrator in third person (limited omniscient)?

I did some thorough searching for duplicates of this question, but I don't think they really cover the same spirit of the issue I'm having. (here are some examples of similar but different questions)

Third person POV
Third-person objective in action scene
Write a 1st person story with a 3rd person narrator

So here's my underlying issue:

I'm writing in third person limited omniscient perspective. The piece is finished, and I've been soliciting feedback from friends. One strategy I employed was an attempt to vary the voice of the narration based on the character being followed. The primary character is very simplistic in his world view, and the sentences are delivered in "bullet patter" and syncopated phrases: "He zipped the hooded shirt beneath his jacket. The hood flapped behind him as he walked."

The next character is an academic (a psychiatrist, in fact) who tends to be more eloquent and in most cases much more observant, so the narration style becomes much more affected by her perspective: "She turned a Rubik’s cube idly with her hand, watching a rotating desk toy that spun as it revolved, which created a variety of unique motions that alternated based on the speed of its descent."

I realize this can potentially come off as gimmicky, but as the story progresses the narration ultimately settles in a place between these two styles. My attempt was to put the reader in a headspace that resembles that of the character being followed.

Is this just muddled? Is the concept of doing this in violation of the purpose of a third person narrator? Are there examples in the wild that pull this off well that I should examine? Are my friends just not getting it, and if so is that a sign I shouldn't use it?

posted almost 12 years ago

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NateDSaint‭

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