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No, I love it. I think it's great. The narrator is sort of echoing the perspective of the the person being observed, and you're absolutely right that the two characters see things differently and s...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:13Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/6958 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T02:39:13Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/6958 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
No, I love it. I think it's great. The narrator is sort of echoing the perspective of the the person being observed, and you're absolutely right that the two characters see things differently and speak differently. Having a different narrative "voice" for the two of them is a subtle way of showing the reader their worldviews before they even open their mouths. I couldn't say why your friends aren't getting it, but I think it's a splendid idea and you should stick with it.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2013-01-02T01:26:13Z (almost 12 years ago)
Original score: 10