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Eri kissed her dad on the cheek, and waved goodbye to him. He entered back into the car, and then drove off, disappearing gradually at the far end of the street. Once he was gone, Eri glance...
#3: Attribution notice added
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/8894 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
> Eri kissed her dad on the cheek, and waved goodbye to him. He entered back into the car, and then drove off, disappearing gradually at the far end of the street. Once he was gone, Eri glanced around. For the first time today, she became aware of the familiar sights; the zelkova trees behind the houses, the food stands in the sidewalks, the farmer markets. The streetlights casting golden ripples across the Akigawa river. The rice plantations spreading all over the hills, and the green mountains visible on the horizon. > > Dad is right, Eri though, with a serene look on her face. No matter what, I'll always have a place to come back. My home. As you can see, I repeated **the** many times in the last part of the first paragraph. Because, they are _the_ things that are familiar to Eri (OK, maybe that doesn't make sense. But I feel it sounds better with the "thes"). Also, I cut the list in the middle to avoid making it too long. Not sure how that worked. Is repetition justified in this case? If not, how would the piece sound better? (I feel there's something wrong, though I can't tell exactly what it is).