Communities

Writing
Writing
Codidact Meta
Codidact Meta
The Great Outdoors
The Great Outdoors
Photography & Video
Photography & Video
Scientific Speculation
Scientific Speculation
Cooking
Cooking
Electrical Engineering
Electrical Engineering
Judaism
Judaism
Languages & Linguistics
Languages & Linguistics
Software Development
Software Development
Mathematics
Mathematics
Christianity
Christianity
Code Golf
Code Golf
Music
Music
Physics
Physics
Linux Systems
Linux Systems
Power Users
Power Users
Tabletop RPGs
Tabletop RPGs
Community Proposals
Community Proposals
tag:snake search within a tag
answers:0 unanswered questions
user:xxxx search by author id
score:0.5 posts with 0.5+ score
"snake oil" exact phrase
votes:4 posts with 4+ votes
created:<1w created < 1 week ago
post_type:xxxx type of post
Search help
Notifications
Mark all as read See all your notifications »
Q&A

Post History

60%
+1 −0
Q&A Is repetition justified in the following piece?

Eri kissed her dad on the cheek, and waved goodbye to him. He entered back into the car, and then drove off, disappearing gradually at the far end of the street. Once he was gone, Eri glance...

1 answer  ·  posted 10y ago by Alexandro Chen‭  ·  last activity 4y ago by System‭

#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T03:04:55Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/8894
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by user avatar Alexandro Chen‭ · 2019-12-08T03:04:55Z (over 4 years ago)
> Eri kissed her dad on the cheek, and waved goodbye to him. He entered back into the car, and then drove off, disappearing gradually at the far end of the street. Once he was gone, Eri glanced around. For the first time today, she became aware of the familiar sights; the zelkova trees behind the houses, the food stands in the sidewalks, the farmer markets. The streetlights casting golden ripples across the Akigawa river. The rice plantations spreading all over the hills, and the green mountains visible on the horizon.
> 
> Dad is right, Eri though, with a serene look on her face. No matter what, I'll always have a place to come back. My home.

As you can see, I repeated **the** many times in the last part of the first paragraph. Because, they are _the_ things that are familiar to Eri (OK, maybe that doesn't make sense. But I feel it sounds better with the "thes"). Also, I cut the list in the middle to avoid making it too long. Not sure how that worked.

Is repetition justified in this case? If not, how would the piece sound better?

(I feel there's something wrong, though I can't tell exactly what it is).

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2013-09-13T09:05:24Z (over 10 years ago)
Original score: 2